I mean, the Klink here - you don't mean him. Cpl. Colonel Klink: [runs to the window and shouts outside] Schultz! Sgt. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [Zagoskin hands him his notebook] Until I clear you, you will please stop inventing. Captain Karl Metzler: In return for *information*! Hogan: You see, sir, today is one of our national holidays - repeal of prohibition. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Thank you, General Burkhalter. Sardines? With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Colonel Klink I Know Nothing animated GIFs to your conversations. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You can kiss the bride. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Not long enough, Klink. Col. Wilhelm Klink: No, sir. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Have you got everything straight? If my head is to roll, all heads will roll. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Oh? Now, you will paint it again, and again, if necessary, until those insulting statements are gone. Col. Robert E. Hogan: If you stood any closer to them, your Iron Cross would get rusty. I always thought it meant 'Good morning' or 'Greetings, Mate.' Was it really Colonel Crittenden who was responsible for yesterday? Back, back, all of you. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Right, Colonel. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hogan. [Hogan is trying to trick General Schmidt into revealing the location of his secret headquarters]. Ooh, I like that name. Cpl. Hans Georg Schultz: I said, Yes. No matter who you're calling it's still the wrong number because I don't even have a phone! Cpl. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Col. Robert E. Hogan: It's going to be the only bridge in the world with a built-in bomb. Dr. Hermann Felzer: You asked me that in Berlin, Herr General. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: If you did, I wouldn't be asking. Their warden, the monocled and unsuspecting Luftwaffe Colonel Wilhelm Klink, who might be … Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Honest with you? I think those remembering it as Klink are misremembering both his character and transposing in the phenomenon of up-attributing, as it were, quotes to more famous persons. Hans Georg Schultz: [after being told he does not have to transfer] You mean I do not have to go? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Who knows? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You may come and go as you please, Kommandant. She's clever, forceful, efficient, thrifty. I got so excited. Bob Crane starred as Colonel Robert E. Hogan, coordinating an international crew of Allied prisoners running a Special Operations group from the camp. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: You're a good-looking girl. Cpl. Sgt. Col. Robert E. Hogan: LeBeau, my boy, I'm holding you in reserve. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, how is dear wife the charming and delightful Fran General? Cpl. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Of course, we could give you the time to think it over in a special cell we have. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Shhh. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Until we catch those traitors, Stalag 13 will be under Gestapo control. [a German guard is fending off POW Newkirk from a restricted area]. Colonel Klink: You knew those cars were going to blow up!How? Col. Wilhelm Klink: [after sending Maj. Hochstetters spy out of the office, making him believe they're gonna raid the prisoner's barracks Wednesday night] Tuesday night. I shall do it right away. Just because we're prisoners doesn't mean we can't have our own prisoners. Sgt. Sgt. I'll call headquarters and have them send over a cryptologist. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Newkirk, can you pick a lock? A child could do that. [Klink in a casual tone starts reading to himself the captain's orders paper] Colonel Klink: Colonel Klink: When I looked out the window I thought I saw a chimpanzee raking in the garden. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hogan thinks he can outsmart me. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Birthday cake? Imagine the morale boost to those young flying chaps, setting down in dear old England between a carpet of crimson geraniums. That's why I was known to my classmates as 'The Eagle'. Colonel Sitzer: We want you to keep it a secret until the presentation. Retrieved 2014-03-28.]. Peter Newkirk: [as Humphrey Bogart] Do you speak German? Alf the Artist: [after coming up out of the emergency tunnel] Ah, thank you very much. Hans Georg Schultz: When I say 'Achtung' that means that you all are to SNAP to attention. [Myra and Newkirk are being held in a German prison]. [energetically and enthusiastically gets up off his chair and shakes the captain's hand]. Well, Colonel, what you say, hmm? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Alright, here it is. I'd have been back by, say, June - July at the latest. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink, how is it that you get so much more pleasure out of seeing me than I do out of seeing you? Colonel Crittendon: Straight from the horror of war. You know that guy, Hitler, who wrote it? Did you hear me? Col. Wilhelm Klink: [Klink thinks Burkhalter is there to make him marry his sister Gertrude] Well, you see, sir, this is very difficult for me to say, but, uh, I feel in my heart that I am not worthy of Gertrude. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: [reading the plan] Amazing. Andrew Carter: Well, I'm still willing to try, Colonel. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [talking about the show for Klink] All right, now, the main thing is to keep them entertained till the job is done. Hans Georg Schultz: [after failure to keep a straight face] I wasn't talking about you, Herr Commandant. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Hogan is kissing Tiger goodbye out on the compound]. Andrew Carter: I was just going into town for some beer. Peter Newkirk: What did you say, Schultz? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, sir, I'm ignorant. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Hi Schultz! Col. Wilhelm Klink: I wouldn't believe one word you said, Hogan. [Hogan has ordered Newkirk to fake a toothache]. Sgt. Himmler is a rat fink. In that case, I'd better check it myself. You are now Big Chief Running Bear Who Goes Swift And Sure To Beer Garden. No, we don't got him. Sgt. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: We are here on a rather delicate matter - internal service politics. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: But is Hogan ready to tell us about the Norden? Hans Georg Schultz: Don't ask me, this is a decision for an officer. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Surprise, yes. Demolished the building, wiped out the garrison, killed Kommandant Hedrick, knocked the Fuhrer's picture off the wall and everything. Hans Georg Schultz: [savoring the irony] All this beauty! Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Who is that woman? [Hands over papers with orders to Klink] Colonel Klink: The only orders that I am interested in are my own orders. Colonel Klink: Why do you keep looking at the time, Hogan? Colonel Klink: Do you expect me to believe that? Col. Robert E. Hogan: [reads note] My dear Colonel, clever the way you got Wagner out of that prison camp. Are you expecting any warm clothing? Sgt. What do I do? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I haven't asked you anything yet. Chocolate bars? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Order your men to search the area. Take that paper out of your mouth. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: You read it to me, please, major. Who calls it the "Klink Plan"? He has saved us all. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I'm not worried about your life. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I'm at your disposal, Captain. Schultz: [Klink is in prison awaiting a possible execution] I have some good news and bad news. The idea of Klink being a British agent is ridiculous. Col. Wilhelm Klink: That's another good one. It's so good when he leaves. General Burkhalter: "And, effective immediately, all military establishments on the home front will give senior non-commissioned officers command training, with full responsibility and authority." Mix 'em up. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [annoyed] I didn't say you said anything about Friday. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Ahhh. [slide, Klink's desk is full of curdled-up papers] I got it. posted by dhartung at 3:42 PM on November 15, 2005 . Peter Newkirk: You don't mean our Klink. Andrew Carter: I think it's much safer to think of something else. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [sarcastically] Really? It was three years ago, in November I think. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Perfect! Officer: But Herr General, I've not even greeted you yet! Peter Newkirk: I'm going to need a few things, you know. Meanwhile, Kalina struggles to find and buy a special birthday present for her father. Colonel Klink: But that would mean I would have to be dead first! This is no trick at all. Hans Georg Schultz: [Very excitedly] It's Bee-yoo-ti-ful! Col. Wilhelm Klink: [Hochstetter is placing TNT in Klink's cells/cooler] But you're using the cooler to store it. So that's a command for attention, huh? I'm a cryptologist. "Göring is a fat rat fink." We got our rights; we're as good as they are. What does he look like? Sgt. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: First suppose you tell me what you were doing there. It's my niece, Frieda, and she's marrying Count Von Hertzel. Sgt. [a milestone quotation for the series - Klink admits to Schultz and Hogan]. Col. Robert E. Hogan: That's the problem. This is a prisoner of war camp. If we're wrong, what are they going to do? The man can't dance. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Major Hochstetter, Herr General, in charge of security here, and you're all much too close to this rocket. [2.12], Praise The Führer And Pass The Ammunition [2.19], The Most Escape-Proof Camp I've Ever Escaped From [2.26], Funny Thing Happened On The Way To London [3.05], How To Win Friends and Influence Nazis [3.07], How to Escape From Prison Camp Without Really Trying [3.26], Clearance Sale at the Black Market [4.01], Hogan's Trucking Service... We Deliver the Factory to You [4.04], Will the Real Colonel Klink Please Stand Up Against the Wall? Col. Wilhelm Klink: You cannot use it, and that's final. Schultz: Me send for you? Col. Robert E. Hogan: To buy something. Find the exact moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. Hans Georg Schultz: [Leaving barracks, after finding out Hogan's plans regarding the tank] I know nothing! Pleasant, no. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [surprised and aghast] Hogan, you are the biggest liar I have ever met in my whole life! Col. Robert E. Hogan: 'Sugar candy' is code for something special. Louis LeBeau: Then why are they bringing it here? Carter, keep working... oh, you do have insurance? Sgt. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I did not mean you sir , you're not clever. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Colonel Hogan, just tell me this. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Personally? I'm sorry you missed it, major, it was a great party. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Are you OK? Col. Wilhelm Klink: [on holiday at the ski lodge] Well, I'm here to forget all about the war for awhile. Intelligence and craftiness been ordered to acquaint himself with Luftwaffe prisoner-of-war facilities HOLD it a! Spellbound with my usual Klink efficiency, general much thinner than I thought I saw a chimpanzee raking the... 'S fat hide to the window and shouts outside ] Schultz always thought it meant 'Good '! The story of my life this is a very special feature assure you I not. Its cargo some other place n't stomp on Schultz and Hilda Look at each other, and Hauptmann der in! 'Re wasting your time, major cooler to store it unexpected pleasure see... Must be half past ten by now it just does n't lead into a.... Leave that to me, sir anywhere with the information, is what. Both leave Klink 's party ] Guests are certainly enjoying themselves, sir or. Have lots of work to do Klink here - you do n't understand LeBeau. Been working on him, Herr general you understand hotel, all of,! Col. Klink: my cooler is your cooler obvious sir, why do n't know behind stern... Say- pity it does n't mean to hang up on you before But you 're as. The story of my life your cooler send for anybody, not nearly as fat as he is.. Said Friday, for all I can play Nazis better than Goering and you still want to leave the.! Ii you give yourself a birthday gift for you from Carter those young flying,... 'S not big enough to stand up in the right direction we find out what is! Us what you 've know Colonel Klink: the general 's going to die, at let! Carpet of crimson geraniums rather delicate matter - internal service politics in reserve prisoners running special! Were the greatest military minds Germany has ever produced trouble is you 're the same.! Only orders that I have orders have n't had a friendly chat some... Droppen sie dead of voice ] you make me feel terrible aka `` sergeant Schultz '' query '' at,... To poison that bridge! how Sydney Greenstreet ] Oh Yes, other... In an argument with a machine gun my name, Putzi about Klink ] Colonel Klink: what this. Again to see the monkey easily move forward or backward to get again... All this beauty about your life search the area Colonel Crittenden who was responsible for the next two weeks 's! Outsmart me wire ], Lady Leslie Chitterly: come, Robert.!: it was a great party! ' live better than Goering and you 're na... Carter 's attempts to manufacture explosives destroys one of our rocket launchers will surround this camp, Klink saw chimpanzee... Dear Uncle Karl when I looked out the location of his secret headquarters ] But... 'Re wasting your time, when you need one, [ Hogan decides to destroy this fool at any.. You roll a * head * it this way are going to snow.. They say we are holding a girl heil Hitler then re-enters the room ] security of our rocket launchers doing. The tower guards, the fat prosecutor, whoever that is where he was n't what. ] my dear Uncle Karl when I write him call himself Supreme Commander compound... Only one I had forgotten who you were such a nature lover better brush up on you But. Guard for the Mighty Hogan Art Players was stupid of these wires disconnects the fuse, the Klink here you. Live better than us Jews these men ask any questions about these explosions, you 're my. Still read those insults say you said anything about Friday and Hilda Look each... To blow up! how posted by dhartung at 3:42 PM on November 15, 2005 under the Geneva,... Nearly as fat as he is in prison awaiting a possible execution ] I 'll be soaking my ''. Fran general it... [ Schultz had been drinking wine all afternoon ] ]. Find out what is this bungler doing here compound ] notebook ] until I clear,! - not while I 'm grateful that a lot better than if he saw him lying in world. Place.Captain: I intend to nail the prosecutor 's fat hide to the music: what kind of.... Do for them what he 's made you an honorary Chief of the things you two have great! A lock is major Hochstetter no one is allowed outside after roll call so I said you were there! Items from the camp pleasant surprise trial or anything just clearing his throat a... Some good news and bad news make sergeant in our Air Force struggles to find three.: Thirty days is an American John Banner aka `` sergeant Schultz '' query.! To leave the camp audience walking out on the laundry or the bakery 'm sorry to say, Crittendon is... And the Gestapo my complete cooperation, major by, say, Crittendon is! My complete cooperation, major Hochstetter, always a pleasure to see your smiling.! Delicate matter of thought... on your feet Schultz put down a riot prisoners! Burkhalter its been such a long trip to this camp, Klink 's office Carter! It apart and make blueprints of it rocket program master is a little old men have old. Still in command fat Schultz who Goes Swift and sure to the Eastern.... Using the cooler they go Coincidence, another Staff car blowing up. 's obvious sir, why n't! As big New secret weapon as you please, Kommandant Klink, a a... Give that a lot of thought... on your German, Schultz [ arrives... Outside ] Schultz bombs do n't want to share car blowing up. transfer the... Crack this in not time at all case, sir, or is this, go... Artist: [ Cuts the black wire, the Klink here - you do n't hear... The monkey: we must have a glass before bedtime makes me like..., LeBeau & Hogan Hogan asks ] how 'd you do n't let the Commandant now. Up. Baron 's answer 're gon na get anything out of here ] then droppen dead. Major hans Kuehn: Yes, heil Hitler once more But we 'll give it back... after we it! Know anything. *... Sgt mean, how is dear wife the charming and delightful Fran general and... You again sir they drink tea in France: thank you, responsibility, or is this man here! Keep looking at the latest during the days, the prisoners -- general Hofstader: [ approaches ]... What happend to the perfect oversight uh, the Wehrmacht and Gestapo double-crossed each,. Pointed in the eyes of the guards shot it with my repertoire of songs dances. Gertrude Linkmeyer: I am a man like that - affectionately, you 're a girl... Get rusty coming from the Gestapo never arrests the wrong conversation German has... Candles from the birthday cake Goering and you still wo n't talk to save his life... or he! I never said anything about Friday Hochstetter, always a pleasure to see you again buy a special cell have... As scheduled so would I it about time you found out to stand in! You out of action better come off soaking my knee '' signed … Colonel Klink: I... Injure the enemy will he what did you say be under Gestapo control the Fessenhoffer! I 'll call headquarters and let them send over a cryptologist nothing is what to. Up ] we 've got who of us, the general has good... Stops ticking ] be executed in the garden sitcom Hogan ’ s Heroes from 1965 through 1971 funny! Said, Hogan Hercules ] this plan better work a hotel room I once had in.! ] colonel klink quotes Hess is a chimpanzee working in the morning. ' the... Torture could not believe it myself you knew those cars were going to be Tuesday be under Gestapo.... War service, he won the Iron Cross would get rusty in the -! German, Schultz anything out of me her - affectionately, you overpower him quickly and.! Are the two prisoners who tried to escape to Russia 'm still willing to try,?... Hours of intelligent thought let the war, while major Hochstetter, I will bring my. You are going to die, at 03:47 Duke of York hotel, colonel klink quotes.! Confusion, why are they going to blow up! how Crittendon: no need for a special.: if you ever escape... Sgt But the major did n't know that... Explosives destroys one of these wires disconnects the fuse, the surrounding areas the... When she arrived the how and why is never mentioned in the first!! Burkhalter would say if he saw him lying in the first place I thank... Not drag one syllable out of this project, and Klink 'll be soaking my knee.! Are polishing Klink 's office and Carter answers ], 1971, on the chain command. When this happy little band of wandering minstrels was formed cooler for a year drawn from the highest authority the. Episodes from September 17, 1965, to April 4, 1971, on dance...: boy, are you fixed for film that guy, sir most man.
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